Judicious editing allows us to become briefly acquainted with just a few of them. For the most part, they are buff, tanned people with names like Giselle and Maryleigh and Blake. Some of them even speak, mainly about their hotness, emphasizing that their breasts and lips are totally, absolutely real. We meet Simone, a tugboat skipper from Seattle, who says, "In front of the camera is where I feel the more comfortablest.
To compete nationally would be the most funnest experience. Unfortunately, neither George nor Simone made the cut to the lucky From here, it's on to Hollywood, where the remaining contestants are judged before a studio audience by our celebrity experts, apparently chosen because they didn't make the final cut of Celebrity Mole : fashion designer Randolph Duke; former supermodel Rachel Hunter; and "international heartthrob" Lorenzo Lamas, who comes across as the Simon Cowell of the bunch. Much to Hunter's performative chagrin, Lamas is fond of pointing out bodily flaws with a laser pointer.
He leers, he sneers, he wears yellow-tinted glasses. He may offer the odd compliment or two, but for the most part, he is all business when it comes to judging other people's imperfections. For her part, Hunter makes no attempt to conceal her contempt for both Lamas and the frat-party-at-the-Super-Bowl studio audience, who at times zealously boo her assessments of contestants.
Hunter looks like she'd rather be anywhere else than on that panel. Only Duke comes out this thing unscathed. Cool, funny, and professional, he seems to be in on the joke.
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In the premiere episode, this panel judges the 32 selected from the Northeast hot zone, trimming the field to 16, each of whom is judged again in the swimsuit competition. Contestants receive number scores and eventually, eight men and women are chosen, based on the judges' final score. A telephone and internet poll from viewers determine the two men and two women from each hot zone who will go on the semi-finals. By then, the slow pacing has taken its toll: we couldn't care less who makes the last rounds.
Since we don't get to "know" any contestant except, perhaps, as a body, the outcome has none of the suspense of a Survivor -like Tribal Council. Maybe two hours was too much to ask to keep viewers' attention. Maybe it will help that future episodes of the show run only an hour.
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Still, Are You Hot? Why do you think Ben Affleck is such a big star? And so, we might look forward to a second season, perhaps titled Are You Hot? But count me out. It's back to the Food Network, where I'm at my most comfortablest.
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